josh

From 6lbs to Bigger Than Me

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / Leave a comment

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I’ve always known…. someday it was going to happen….

I look up at him now…. My little 6 pound, 37 weeker.IMG_1951

It seems like just yesterday he was obsessed with trains and his batman cape. He was a Conductor/Engineer/Superhero in the making for years. 🙂

And, now, his voice has started changing, it’s so different…. Who is this? This grown boy? This young man.

I knew someday this would happen… but already?

It happened right in front of my eyes…

He was shorter than me just 9 months ago, and now, he’s only a half inch from his father. It’s his year. 6″. Boy to man.

In just 14 years….he’s bigger than me. (sigh)

IMG_1946I always knew someday he’d be taller than me. I even stood below him on the step between our foyer and living room a few different times over the past few years, just to check the view from that angle. He asked me once what I was doing. I said, “Just seeing what it’s like…” and, now it’s happened. No turning back. Life as I’ve known it for the past 14 years is now different.

I do kids, pediatrics, and before that, I delivered babies (loved it!!), I’ve watched kids grow up. Had the chance to watch dozens of kids that I helped bring into this world grow up, So cool! I still get to see many of them. It really is amazing to watch these little babies turn into toddlers… then preschoolers… (but, mine are long past preschool now).

One day, you walk them into kindergarten. At your elementary school (mind blowing kinda day). His kindergarten teacher was also his father’s, just 30 short years ago. Talk about mind blowing for her too. Especially because of the uncanny family resemblance of father and son. You should have seen her face when she realized it.

That was only the first of many mind blowing moments, this parenting thing goes too fast. There are so many “precious memories.” I hope I am filing them all in the right places.  I don’t want to forget ANYTHING. But, I will, we all do.

Today, when thinking back about my little baby, the nights, the breastfeeding, the multiple bags and essentials to tote, it really seems like a lifetime ago. I guess it is… his lifetime.

My precious little baby, my firstborn, my gift from God that He chose to challenge me with… I just look at him in awe sometimes…SOIMG_1956 Much more than he realizes. My Joshie.

As a parent, I sometimes think of MY creation. Well… OUR… my husband gets credit too. I know the whole procreation, reproduction, cycle of life, blah blah… But… I. CREATED. A. HUMAN. BEING. Have you ever really stopped to think about that? I DO. And, have multiple times over the last 14 years.  #SURREAL. That was the first adjective I could think of to describe being a mom after Joshua’s birth… it truly is surreal. just. no. words.

The miracle and blessing of life. Of Family. Of LOVE. #priceless

So, today, on my 14th Anniversary of Motherhood, I know how truly grateful and blessed I am. I have been chosen to raise these precious children.

I will try the best I can every day, and never, ever, ever give up. Even when I have nothing left, I will never let them down, not if there is a breath in my body. I’m their mom. It’s what I do. It’s my job.

Enjoy it!!!! Please. The journey is what YOU make it!

Write your story your way.

LIVE Your Journey!

Walk YOUR path!

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Oh, The Places You Will Go

At some point I may get to add a pic of my tall one… but for now, that camera shy 14 year old alludes me. And, I try to respect his privacy (doesn’t always happen though, so stay tuned). 😉

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Our Joshie

Just to give you an idea of that height… Morgan is actually leaning, Josh hasn’t quite caught him yet, but I’m sure it’s only a matter of days.

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Family Ice Skating at Baltimore’s Inner Harbor

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Caught a pic… a wee bit different from that little boy walking through the waves.

 

Field Trip without Mommy….Fun for him, nail biting for me!

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / Leave a comment

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. 

It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”    -Elizabeth Stone

Well, this quote describes what it is like to send your child on a field trip without you! That is my day today.  Joshua is on a field trip to the Kennedy Center to see the Symphony, very cool!  I wish I could have gone, but space was limited. This is the first field trip he has been on in 10 years that takes him out of our community without his father or myself.  I have already had my little talk with ‘The Man’ upstairs!! 😉 I know Josh will be fine, but it still makes me anxious to have my child 90 miles away, and I have no control over what happens to him.  I mean, what if there is a natural disaster or something… I know the odds are that he is going to be fine, and there will be no natural disaster, but, it still makes me a little anxious! If you have children that are school age or older, I’m sure you know what I mean. I remember when Josh first started preschool, I wanted to know what he did and didn’t eat and when he did or didn’t go to the bathroom. It’s just a Mom thing!

When I first started my Nurse Practitioner program, I had to go to Stonybrook, NY for a 3 day orientation.  Of course, this was when Joshua’s kindergarten class went on a field trip and I was going to miss it. Not only was I going to be 4 states away, but Josh would be in the city without me or his father… Well, at 6 years old, it just wasn’t going to happen! I made my husband take off and go with him. It wasn’t that hard to convince him, but my husband is a dedicated worker, and takes off very infrequently. They went up to Port Discovery and had a blast, Daddy included!! He had an interesting day keeping up with the kindergartners, to say the least. 😉

So, today, I sit thinking of all the things that could happen….even though I know they will be fine… right?? But, what about all the stories you hear on the news of bus accidents that involve school children…It Can Happen! I know that is out of my control. I just have to believe that they will come home safe and sound as planned. Joshua’s school hires a professional bus from a very reputable company, I have to trust that the drivers are more than qualified. I actually went on the bus to meet the driver, that made me feel a little better.  I know you can’t judge a book by it’s cover, but this man didn’t look like a mass murderer, drunk, druggie, or someone that would be texting while driving. I hope I am right!

The one thing I can control is how well my child is prepared without me around.

  • Joshua knows he has to stay with a responsible adult.
  • He knows that he has to use his manners.
  • We have explained to our children they need to go to a predetermined “safe spot” if they get lost. He knows not to wander off, he could be lost forever. (Yes, I’ve threatened my kids with that, terrifying maybe, but it works!!)
  • We have tried to teach our children to be aware of their surroundings, and to know what to do in case something goes wrong.

Preparing children to maneuver in the world is one of the many important lessons we need to teach along this important journey called parenthood!!

I am certain that Joshua will come home this evening safe and sound, and tell me all about the symphony and how awesome it was! Well, that might be wishful thinking, he usually has very short answers. Most of the questions I ask get answered with one word, “Good.” Regardless of the question, Joshua’s go to answer is always “Good!”  Tell me what it was like Josh? “Good”…Did you have fun? “Yes, it was good.”… Did you learn anything? “It was good.” I’ve learned from other mom’s that it is a boy thing.  If you ask a girl, she will give you a dissertation about the entire day. Funny how when we want him to be quiet, he talks and talks and talks…. 😉 Regardless of what he tells me about his day, he will have no idea of the worry he has put his poor mother through, but that is the oblivious beauty of childhood!

I know I’m not the first or last mom that has had a day of nail biting waiting for their precious child to return home from a field trip. Do you have any helpful hints for keeping children safe while on a field trip without Mom or Dad?? I’d love the hear and be able to share with other anxious parents.

What a responsible journey this parenthood thing is, huh?? Fun though!! 🙂