Parenting

Paranoid Mom…. It happens to the best of us!

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / 7 Comments

Hi all! After the morning I had, I just had to share this one…. It’s alright to be a “Paranoid Mom” because the well being of your children is a HUGE responsibility! I thought you all would enjoy knowing that I can be that Paranoid Mom too! 😉

Drew Elizabeth told me last night that her chest hurt. Ok, no big deal, I was convinced that she just needed to burp, toot, poop, or all of the above. Very frequently children will have chest pain that is referred gas pains. She has complained of her chest hurting 2 or 3 times in the last month or so, but she also hasn’t been eating her veggies as well as she used to. She has decided after eating her veggies for the past 5 years that she just doesn’t like them anymore. She doesn’t get away with it, and I make her eat a little. Not getting enough fiber can certainly decrease the frequency of bowel movements and the consistency of said movements. She is displaying her independence, and this is something she can control. No biggie.

When she didn’t even want the ice cream I had taken her to get, I was a little more concerned, but still thought she probably needed to go sit on the potty for a few minutes. I decided I would grab my stethoscope and take a listen to make her feel better. She will tell me she needs me to take care of her like I take care of the sick kids at work, so I didn’t want to deny her. Well, I took a listen……

I think I have mentioned before that we shouldn’t go looking for problems, because we may not be prepared to deal with what we find. Much to my surprise, I found that my daughter’s heart sounded like it was skipping a beat. Naaa, I must be hearing things, or it is just fluctuating because of her breathing, or something….. It is not unusual for heart rate to slow or increase on inhalation and exhalation. I listened a little longer…..Yep, there was definitely a skipped beat every 3rd or 4th or even 8th beat!! WTH?!? Interestingly enough, I have a cardiac history, and both of my children have had an EKG (electrocardiogram) because of it, and they were perfectly fine! Drew has even had an echocardiogram because she had a benign (innocent) murmur when she was 1 year old. So, here I am listening to my 5 year old, and her heart is skipping a beat! Yes, I looked quite calm on the outside, but the inside kept thinking, “What the He!! is going on???” I am fortunate enough to be able to call my colleagues that are close by. The PA I used to work with lives one mile down the road, and our Pediatrician (that I used to work with) lives a mile away in the other direction. I knew I could take her to either of them for a second opinion. No, I am not my kids Pediatric provider, I am their Mom! As soon as something is abnormal with either of them, I second guess my assessment skills and diagnostic skills. It is unusual for a child to have chest pain that is cardiac related, actually only 4% of pediatric chest pain is cardiac.

I broke down and called our Ped, Dr. Denise. She is awesome!! I can call her anytime for anything! She is a wealth of information, like an encyclopedia of pediatrics. Denise gave me some advice, we didn’t think the pain was cardiac related, as I first assumed, but we concluded that Drew needed an EKG first thing in the morning, but she was probably alright. BTW- she pooped and tooted and the pains went away, but the skipped beat was still there. So, my plan was to take her to the office in the am, get her evaluated, and they would say, “Oh, Katie, you were over reacting, we don’t hear anything.” Well, that was my plan, I was ready to be the crazy paranoid mom! No problem, it was my lack of skill, not her heart! I was good with that!

Well, I went to the office, told them I needed an EKG and we got started.  I love my kids pediatric office, they are the best! I worked there for almost 8 years before I was a PNP. My friend, T.,RN did her vital signs and asked what was going on. I said to just listen to her heart and tell me what you think. I watched her listen and start counting Drew’s heart rate, she nodded as she counted, 1, 2, 3…1, 2, 3… T looked at me with big eyes and a strange face… I said, “So, you hear it too?” She did! Oh, $#!+! I didn’t want her to hear it, I would rather be crazy! So, we finished vital sign, height, weight, and I waited for Karen, my friend the PA. Karen is a great PA! I adore her and we take our kids back and forth the mile between each others houses when we need a second opinion after diagnosing our own children. Drew really likes Karen, and did whatever Karen asked. So, Karen listens….. She looks at me, and nods her head! Dammit!! I wanted her to tell me she didn’t her it! But, of course she did.

My girl with all of her EKG wires attached! She ROCKS!

Well, this started the procedure for the 1st of 2 EKGs and 60 second rhythm strip (which recorded and showed her heart beat for a full minute). The first EKG was at the office, and then Karen sent us to the Diagnostic Center for a repeat EKG and the rhythm strip. Drew was so good during all of this! My sweet girl, this was going to have to be OK, I couldn’t deal with anything being seriously wrong with my girl’s heart! I’m sure you all know exactly how I felt! During the 2nd EKG and strip, the tech looked at me and said, “I know exactly what you are looking at, it’s right here and here and here…” OK, now my heart rate was up a little, too many people are confirming that I am not crazy, I REALLY PREFERRED CRAZY at this point!! I looked at the results, normal QRS, that’s reassuring, each individual beat had the proper electrophysiology, the conduction controlling her heart beat was doing it’s job, there was nothing abnormal about how the heart was beating, but there were obvious pauses between some of the beats.

So, as soon as I left, I called Denise (she was home because she had been on call all weekend). She said this is probably ok, we talked about the details, and she told me what she thought we should do. I called Karen back at the office, and Karen put a call in to “The BEST” Pediatric Cardiologist in the the Mid-Atlantic region. I am so grateful to have friends that take care of my kids, and know how to get answers, and get answers from the Experts! Dr. Ruckman of Children’s National Medical Center is one of the BEST in the nation! Karen spoke to him 2 times before lunch and called me.  Dr. Ruckman confirmed without a shadow of a doubt that this was a “normal abnormality” in children Drew’s age.

 HALLELUJAH,  HALLELUJAH…..HALLELUJAH, HALLELUJAH, HHHHAAAAALLELUUUU-JAHHHH!!!!

I could hear the angels singing in the background with me! THANK YOU, GOD! 🙂

I know this is a pretty personal post, and rather specific situation that I hope NONE of you ever face. What are the odds of listening to your daughter’s heart, just to make her feel better, because you are convinced she just needs to poop, burp, or toot, and there is an abnormal heart rate…. Hopefully, never! Drew was a trooper and got 3-4 lollipops during the whole ordeal, and even a chocolate donut on the way to school. As for me, I went on to work, and had a normal busy afternoon. I was happy with normal, busy! 🙂 

I can do without another day like this morning for the rest of my life! I know it won’t be that easy, something else will come up that makes me worry about my kids, and I pray that it will turn out just fine.  I thought it would be nice to share so that you know even the professionals get a little worried every now and then! Today was one of the days on this journey that I could have lived without! I am thrilled that at the end of the day everyone is happy, healthy, and Drew has no idea of the stress that was going on inside her mother for a few hours as I waited to be sure she was ok.

So, today, I enjoyed the journey a little less than some days; but all in all, “It is a wonderful life!” 😉

“Spring Forward” without meltdowns…. Help your child adjust to the Time Change

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / 5 Comments

If you have a baby or small child, it maybe painfully obvious that they don’t tell time! 

So, How can you help your little one adjust to the time change? 

Children have a difficult time changing schedules, especially by an entire hour. When babies in the hospital need schedule changes, the change is made in small time increments.

Try to change your child’s schedule by 15 minutes at a time each day.

For example, if dinner is usually at 6:00, keep in mind 6:00 is now 7:00. Waiting an extra hour for food is way too long for a little one. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how quickly a hungry or tired child can have a meltdown. 😉 You could have dinner at 5:15 the first day, 5:30 the second day, 5:45 the third day, and by the fourth day, dinner is at 6:00 again. If you have the opportunity, spend a few days at each new time before moving on. Keep in mind, bedtime is now an hour later, which means they may wake an hour earlier than you plan if you don’t help them adjust. It may be that your child is off schedule enough that it is more difficult to wake them in the morning, small changes can help. If you have little ones that don’t go to school, this is much easier. If you have a little one that has to get up and go to school or daycare, you may have more of a challenge. If you need to be back on schedule by Monday (only 2 days away), you can force the change a little quicker by changing things by 30 minutes vs 15 minutes. It will not be as smooth of an adjustment, but it should be helpful.

Filling the time before meals with small healthy snacks such as fruit or veggies to help hold them over until the new dinnertime can be helpful too.

I learned early along my parenting journey that the time change can wreak havoc on a child with a good schedule. Good parenting involves schedules, so most kids will have some adjustment to make.  I hope this info makes “Springing forward” easier for your family! Good luck and I hope you are Enjoying the Journey! 🙂

Field Trip without Mommy….Fun for him, nail biting for me!

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / Leave a comment

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. 

It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”    -Elizabeth Stone

Well, this quote describes what it is like to send your child on a field trip without you! That is my day today.  Joshua is on a field trip to the Kennedy Center to see the Symphony, very cool!  I wish I could have gone, but space was limited. This is the first field trip he has been on in 10 years that takes him out of our community without his father or myself.  I have already had my little talk with ‘The Man’ upstairs!! 😉 I know Josh will be fine, but it still makes me anxious to have my child 90 miles away, and I have no control over what happens to him.  I mean, what if there is a natural disaster or something… I know the odds are that he is going to be fine, and there will be no natural disaster, but, it still makes me a little anxious! If you have children that are school age or older, I’m sure you know what I mean. I remember when Josh first started preschool, I wanted to know what he did and didn’t eat and when he did or didn’t go to the bathroom. It’s just a Mom thing!

When I first started my Nurse Practitioner program, I had to go to Stonybrook, NY for a 3 day orientation.  Of course, this was when Joshua’s kindergarten class went on a field trip and I was going to miss it. Not only was I going to be 4 states away, but Josh would be in the city without me or his father… Well, at 6 years old, it just wasn’t going to happen! I made my husband take off and go with him. It wasn’t that hard to convince him, but my husband is a dedicated worker, and takes off very infrequently. They went up to Port Discovery and had a blast, Daddy included!! He had an interesting day keeping up with the kindergartners, to say the least. 😉

So, today, I sit thinking of all the things that could happen….even though I know they will be fine… right?? But, what about all the stories you hear on the news of bus accidents that involve school children…It Can Happen! I know that is out of my control. I just have to believe that they will come home safe and sound as planned. Joshua’s school hires a professional bus from a very reputable company, I have to trust that the drivers are more than qualified. I actually went on the bus to meet the driver, that made me feel a little better.  I know you can’t judge a book by it’s cover, but this man didn’t look like a mass murderer, drunk, druggie, or someone that would be texting while driving. I hope I am right!

The one thing I can control is how well my child is prepared without me around.

  • Joshua knows he has to stay with a responsible adult.
  • He knows that he has to use his manners.
  • We have explained to our children they need to go to a predetermined “safe spot” if they get lost. He knows not to wander off, he could be lost forever. (Yes, I’ve threatened my kids with that, terrifying maybe, but it works!!)
  • We have tried to teach our children to be aware of their surroundings, and to know what to do in case something goes wrong.

Preparing children to maneuver in the world is one of the many important lessons we need to teach along this important journey called parenthood!!

I am certain that Joshua will come home this evening safe and sound, and tell me all about the symphony and how awesome it was! Well, that might be wishful thinking, he usually has very short answers. Most of the questions I ask get answered with one word, “Good.” Regardless of the question, Joshua’s go to answer is always “Good!”  Tell me what it was like Josh? “Good”…Did you have fun? “Yes, it was good.”… Did you learn anything? “It was good.” I’ve learned from other mom’s that it is a boy thing.  If you ask a girl, she will give you a dissertation about the entire day. Funny how when we want him to be quiet, he talks and talks and talks…. 😉 Regardless of what he tells me about his day, he will have no idea of the worry he has put his poor mother through, but that is the oblivious beauty of childhood!

I know I’m not the first or last mom that has had a day of nail biting waiting for their precious child to return home from a field trip. Do you have any helpful hints for keeping children safe while on a field trip without Mom or Dad?? I’d love the hear and be able to share with other anxious parents.

What a responsible journey this parenthood thing is, huh?? Fun though!! 🙂

Small Dose #4- Speak up!!

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / Leave a comment

 If you observe children teasing or bullying, speak up…. kids depend on adults to help them and protect them. Bullying can severely impact a child’s self esteem. Teach your child to be kind to others, and expect the same in return! Tell your children to report bullying to you or another trusted adult. It’s going to take adult interference to stop bullying! So, while on this journey we call parenthood SPEAK UP & INTERFERE!!

There is no such thing as INNOCENT VIOLENCE!

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / Leave a comment

After seeing today’s news about yet ANOTHER high school shooting, I felt compelled to share some information on children and violence.  The future of our children and the society we are creating weighs heavily on my mind.

Children that do not get the needed love, support and guidance during the first few years of life will constantly be seeking attention for the remainder of their life. This can lead to many issues for the child, as they do whatever it takes (good or bad) to feel valued. This feeling of worthlessness leads to inappropriate and high-risk behavior (see below).

I found some information online at the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry that I wanted to share. This is serious stuff, so I’m not going to have any funny jokes or stories today, just feel the need to share some info….

The following information is copied directly from www.aacap.org:

1. “Hundreds of studies of the effects of TV violence on children and teenagers have found that children may:

Children with emotional, behavioral, learning or impulse control problems may be more easily influenced by TV violence.”
(if you click on the above writing in red, you can view the website directly)
2. “Factors Which Increase Risk of Violent Behavior: Numerous research studies have concluded that a complex interaction or combination of factors leads to an increased risk of violent behavior in children and adolescents.  These factors include:
  • Previous aggressive or violent behavior
  • Being the victim of physical abuse and/or sexual abuse
  • Exposure to violence in the home and/or community
  • Genetic (family heredity) factors
  • Exposure to violence in media (TV, movies, etc.)
  • Use of drugs and/or alcohol
  • Presence of firearms in home
  • Combination of stressful family socioeconomic factors (poverty, severe deprivation,    marital breakup, single parenting, unemployment, loss of support from extended family)
  • Brain damage from head injury”

3. “What are the “warning signs” for violent behavior in children? Children who have several risk factors and show the following behaviors should be carefully evaluated:

  • Intense anger
  • Frequent loss of temper or blow-ups
  • Extreme irritability
  • Extreme impulsiveness
  • Becoming easily frustrated

Parents and teachers should be careful not to minimize these behaviors in children.”

4. “Can anything prevent violent behavior in children?

Research studies have shown that much violent behavior can be decreased or even prevented if the above risk factors are significantly reduced or eliminated.  Most importantly, efforts should be directed at dramatically decreasing the exposure of children and adolescents to violence in the home, community, and through the media.  Clearly, violence leads to violence.  In addition, the following strategies can lessen or prevent violent behavior:

  • Prevention of child abuse (use of programs such as parent training, family support programs, etc.)
  • Sex education and parenting programs for adolescents
  • Early intervention programs for violent youngsters
  • Monitoring child’s viewing of violence on TV/videos/movie”
Pretty heavy info, I know, but so important to share. The well being of our children and the future of our society are at risk.  The one thing we can do to make a difference is try our best to raise mentally and emotionally healthy children.  What a difficult, but important journey we are on friends! I hope some of my advice helps you along your journey!

Small Dose #3 – Sleep

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / 1 Comment

Sleep is a vital need for good health! Make sure your kids have a good bedtime routine.  If your child wakes up tired, they are not getting enough sleep.  If your child wakes up ready to take on the world, sounds like the zzzzz’s were enough. A child that doesn’t get enough sleep is not able to function at their best potential.  Children that do not get enough sleep will exhibit symptoms similar to ADHD; they may have trouble paying attention and retaining important information. More info in a future post on the importance of sleep! Thanks for joining me on this amazing journey called parenthood!! 😉

Praise & Encouragement go a long way…Be your child’s cheerleader!

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / Leave a comment

Kids need to know that they are doing the right thing, and they depend on Mom and Dad to keep them in check!  We all have had our moments when our children are definitely not acting the way we raised them, or so we thought.

Remember, much of our teaching is by example, and much of what kids learn about behavior is observed.

I find myself raising my voice more often than I like, it is a bad habit that I am trying to stop.  There are days that Joshua just makes me lose it, and if I don’t walk away, I could turn into a Drill Sargent. When I say do something, I expect it to be done, you know what I’m saying??? I don’t want to have to repeat myself 2, 3, 4 or more times!! It definitely takes a lot of patience to be a parent, more than I ever imagined!

The louder I get, the less they hear…. The longer I talk, the less they hear…. 😦

It’s not that I have chosen to parent this way, there are just those days that I’m on the go and/or stressed over something, and I have less patience. On days like this, I am grateful for a husband that can balance me.  Fortunately, we balance each other well! 🙂 When he has his days, I have to call him down too. We talk about it, and know we need to keep our cool and address the issue at hand.  Instead of focusing on what Josh has done wrong, focusing on the behavior and how to change it is the key. I mention Joshua, because he IS the reason James Dobson wrote the books, Raising the Strong Willed Child and Bringing Up Boys! Which I highly recommend! Good info, and fun to read!

Consequences are the best answer to unacceptable behavior!! I have tried to chose my words carefully with my children.  It is important to mean what you say, and follow through! Don’t give empty threats; like Santa won’t bring you any toys……Really? I doubt it! I do tell Josh that I can take those toys Santa brings and put them in the basement!!  😉 This is the ultimate consequence for Josh. If we take a toy that he is currently obsessed with, he straightens right up.  We have started to take some of the toys and electronics away during the school week.  It makes for better focus, and actually more “creative time”!!  I’ve talked about the importance of what I call “creative time” for a child’s self esteem. Win – Win!

Praise is one of the most effective mechanisms of good parenting. Praising a child makes them feel good about what they have accomplished…making them feel good about their self… building self esteem! When children feel good about an accomplishment, it creates drive and ambition to create something else that mimics that ‘feel good’ feeling.

Encourage your child to reach for the stars!! Children are limited or unlimited by their surroundings. An environment that is negative and lonely can severely limit a child. Children want to be loved and accepted, it is a basic human need. If a child feels neglected, they will do whatever it takes to seek the attention they so desperately crave. These attention seeking behaviors can be acting out, crying, throwing toys, and in adolescents drug use and sexual promiscuity, just to name a few.  Encouraging a child to take that next step, like singing that song in front of the church congregation, or playing a sport, or building a lego house….. Whatever it is that they want to do, encourage it! 

Basically, if you praise and encourage your children for their positive actions and behaviors you will get positive behavior in return. Be your child’s cheerleader! Tell them they have nice manners.  Encourage them to do well on that test and on the playing field. Cheer them on! Be an example of happy, positive behavior!

Pick your battles. Let them express themselves! Encourage pink or purple hair, if that is what makes them happy, it’s only hair, long, short, or different colors, what’s the big deal (unless there is a special or formal event).  I saw two kids yesterday, one with pink and one with purple streaks. I thought it was a fun way for them to express themselves. BTW- Drew Elizabeth wants purple hair, we settled for a couple feathers in her hair the for the first time, but I’m all for the purple hair.  I’ll definitely keep you posted on this one!

I ask the teenagers that I see in the office what they want to do when they grow up, some know, some don’t.  I ask them what they like to do the most?  When they have free time, what is it they are doing? I tell them to take whatever it is that they like the most, and think about a career that is similar. I tell them they can take whatever it is they like the most in the world and use their imagination to find a way to make a living doing it. They look at me, smile a little bit, and I can see the wheels start turning.  Teens are a different bunch, they torment their parents, I’m not looking forward to the teen years.

SO, Praise your children & Encourage them to reach for the stars….It makes for happy healthy kids!! Happy, healthy kids are what this journey is all about, ENJOY!

Happy Birthday Baby Boy…A whole new world!!

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / 5 Comments
image baby

Babies make the world a happier place

At 5:46am, I will have been riding this train called Parenthood for 10 years! Oh My, What a ride it has been so far… 😉 If anyone thinks it’s easy, I beg to differ!!  I remember 10 years ago I started having contractions at the beginning of NYPD Blue. For those of you that remember, NYPD Blue was on Tuesday nights at 10, well, I contracted about every 8 -15 minutes throughout the show.  I called my best friend, who was so excited. She was going to forget about her fear of blood (I’m talking pass out kind of fear 😉 ) to be there when this new little bundle was going to enter this world. My husband didn’t quite get this was the real deal, and thought he was going to take a Benadryl and go off to sleep. I had to explain that I thought it was going to be a long night, and Benadryl was not a good idea! Well, it wasn’t too long, I was having contractions every 2 minutes as we were on our way to the hospital at midnight.  And, wouldn’t you know it, we pulled right up on a cop half way there. Morgan was so excited, he wanted to throw on the flashers, and speed past him.  I dared him to pass.  That was the last thing I wanted to deal with… This baby wasn’t coming quite that fast.

I wasn’t at the hospital for more than 4 hours, before my Joshua made his entrance, Thank GOD it was quick!! There are a few things that needed consideration during this birthing process….DRUGS!?!? I needed to decided if I wanted an epidural, or no epidural, this $#!+ hurt!!!  I’m not going to bore you with all the details of my birth story, we each have our own….and, each is definitely a Rite of Passage!

Speaking of Epidurals… a topic for any of you still in the baby making phase of parenthood.  I think women should decide if they want an epidural with no persuasion from husbands, mothers, in-laws, etc.  This is a personal decision!! There is nothing wrong with having an epidural, each person tolerates pain differently, and has different philosophies about pain. If labor is long and difficult, an epidural can be quite beneficial for mom and baby.  If mom is too stressed during labor, baby can be stressed during labor.  One thing to remember is that it takes time for the epidural to wear off after the baby is born. If a woman is induced, she should consider that the contractions induced by Pitocen (the hormone used to stimulate uterine contractions) can cause some really powerful and painful contractions.  Now, don’t get me wrong, contractions are a 15 on a pain scale of 1-10 with or without Pitocen, but with your body being forced into something it isn’t quite ready to do naturally, it just seems to make the contractions more forceful.  I’ve had friends that have had babies and needed Pitocen, and had no epidural. My hats off… it is an amazing feat, just plain amazing! I had no Pit, and my contractions hurt like He!!, No ifs, ands, or buts about it…Any woman that gives birth and doesn’t have an epidural can tell you, CHILDBIRTH HURTS!

When to go without an epidural?? I went without an epidural because I was blessed with quick labors.  Joshua was born 4 hours after I got to the hospital. This baby wasn’t waiting for the sun to come up or an epidural, he was in a hurry to get out and see what this world was all about.  Believe me, I thought about it, I have some back problems that made things a little iffy, and helped make my decision. If labor is quick, then, my personal opinion is suck it up, and get it over with.  The movie Fast and Furious was in theaters, that was what Joshua’s birth reminded me of…  He was 3.5 weeks early, 6#4oz, and 21.75″long, born in less than 8 hours from my first contraction. 1.5 hours of that was pushing…ughhh!!  All I could say, that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life! At least that’s what I thought at the time, but the actual parenting thing is much harder!  All that pushing causes the baby to spend longer in the birth canal, causing a nice little cone head… it usually returns to normal within 24-48 hrs.  The little hats they have in the hospital are necessary to keep their body heat in because babies are learning to regulate their body temp, but the hats are perfect to cover up that little cone head until it is a little cuter. One of the best things in the world is the downy softness of a babies head! Enjoy it when you can, it only lasts a few months.

Aunt Shell made it and thought it was an amazing experience; and there actually wasn’t all that  much blood…We love Aunt Shell, she’s tops! 🙂 Aunt Kathy also made it in time, and was the first to say It’s a Boy!! (yes, we impatiently waited to find out). She was also the first to notice that Joshua looked just like his Daddy! Well, I do love the daddy, so that’s ok, I guess!

Another question that comes with babies – Breastfeeding or Bottlefeeding. This too is a personal decision for parents, but I am going to have to say the decision does have to weigh Mom’s feelings the most.  Breastfeeding takes dedication! It can be one of the most rewarding things you ever do (it was for me!), but for some women, it can be very difficult.  Breastfeeding can provide so many benefits to a baby, such as: increased immunities through breastmilk, help with allergies, management of cholesterol later in life, help with lifelong management of a healthy weight, help decrease ear infections, more easily digested by immature GI system, and the bonding experience is priceless, and there are so many more….  Yes, I am  an advocate for breastfeeding, I am also a lactation consultant.  As a practitioner, I support whatever decision Mom makes, no questions asked! I have helped so many moms and babies through their breastfeeding difficulties.  For the mom that is dedicated, breastfeeding can work out.  There are some women that are not capable of producing an adequate milk supply for their child.  This happens when women have insufficient glandular tissue for adequate lactation. This is real, I have friends that have had this grueling experience.  I enjoy a blog by a female pediatrician that expresses the distress from a mother that was unable to produce an adequate supply for her child.  Check out her struggles, at Confession of a Dr. Mom.  The information I have read so far on her blog has been awesome!

My Joshua, in Gryffindor tie with wand in hand! LOVE HIM!!

My Boy has changed my world, he has taught me that there are rules to parenting that don’t always fit every kid. Just when you think you know what you’re doing, the kids forget to read the book and respond appropriately….ugh! So, Fast and Furious has been going on for about 10 years….and hopefully will continue for many, many, many more!

All I really wanted to say was Happy Birthday to my Joshua! The catalyst that started this unbelievable journey called parenthood!

I LOVE YOU JOSHIE!! 🙂 

Find some “creative time”…don’t let Life’s stressors get to your kids!!

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / Leave a comment

Childhood is a time of creativity, free thinking, and discovering oneself in this great big world.   As parents it is our responsibility to provide an environment for our children to have fun, smile, laugh and run around just being kids. Kids should have the opportunity to explore and play with smiles on their faces while laughing with friends.  This is the beautiful mental image of childhood, but not everyone’s childhood….

Creating an environment that allows for exploration and creativity allows children to learn by maneuvering and managing through their world.  Children discover new things about the world just by exploring  every day situations.  As a child grows older and their world expands, they are exposed to more of the “real world”.  Children depend on their parents to protect them from the stressors life in this “real world” has to offer.

Recently, I have been seeing children that have stomach aches, headaches, are acting out in school, having anger issues, suffering from bullying, and/or are dealing with dysfunctional family issues.  Most of these children have one thing in common, they don’t know how to cope with the hurdles that life is putting in front of them.  Parents have a  responsibility to help their children learn how to navigate and cope with the world they live in.  

Did you know that 5% of all children and adolescents suffer from depression or anxiety problems, that’s 1 out of every 20 children.  That is one child out of every classroom! WOW!  Another unfortunate statistic I’m going to share with you is that only 25% of these children get help for their mood disorder. This is sad, and leads to problems not only for the child, but for his family and possibly others.

So, what causes mood disorders like depression and anxiety??  Chemical (neurotransmitter) imbalances in the brain are the organic cause of depression and anxiety.  These chemical imbalances can be caused by genetics, environment, and negative thought processes.  A child that is constantly surrounded by negative will have a negative thinking pattern.  A child that is surrounded by positive feelings and actions will grow up with a more positive outlook.  Children at risk for mood disorders are children that are in high stress environments.  Children worry about  peer acceptance, pressure to try drugs/drinking/sex, bullying, parental expectations, family dysfunction (arguing, divorce, etc.), normal development, school/grades, acne, and future plans, just to name a few. This is an awful lot for children to deal with while they are still learning who they are.  Teaching children to cope helps them deal with all of the stressors that they encounter.  Children that are unable to cope with stressors may act out, feel anxious, depressed, worried, down, hopeless, angry, irritable, overwhelmed, burnt out, causing  difficulty thinking, problems sleeping, headaches, and stomach aches.  This unhappiness frequently leads to depression, anxiety, substance abuse, sexual promiscuity, anger issues, violence, obesity and other health problems. So, how do we teach kids to cope??  It doesn’t happen overnight.

Coping skill for you to share with your children:

  • talk about what is going on in their world and about their thoughts and feelings
  • developing a support network of family and friends
  • live a healthy lifestyle by eating healthy, exercising, and getting enough sleep
  • write in a journal
  • change negative thoughts to positive
  • approach obstacles with small steps
  • help your child anticipate events that may cause anxiety, discuss ways to help your child feel better during these times before they happen

Helping your child build good coping skills will help to build self-confidence and increase self-esteem. Allowing children time for free thinking is important. I’ve started calling this “creative time” in our house, as this unstructured time allows creativity.  When left to explore their environment, they imagine something, and they create it. Job accomplished! It’s all about baby steps…. My kids get 30-90 minutes of free time before bed most nights.  They play in their room and do whatever they want.  Joshua is expected to find time to practice his guitar and drums, and likes to find time to read as well.  My kids love their free “creative time”.

Setting goals, formulating a plan to meet those goals, and accomplishing those goals is one of the best self esteem building experience for anyone. Accomplishment feels great!  It provides feelings of capability and confidence, and it is motivating as well.

If you have concerns that a child or teen close to you is depressed or having trouble coping, please help them get help. Sometimes listening and helping lead someone in the right direction is the most important step to helping them see a brighter future.

As you continue on this parenting journey, create goals, follow through, enjoy the feeling of accomplishment, and be an example for your children!

Remember, to succeed, you must first have a plan…

I will explore more issues with child and teen depression and anxiety in future posts.  Please click on the FOLLOW button on the right side of my page to receive updates.