Parenting

Small Dose #15 – Family Time is PRICELESS!! Happy Thanksgiving!!

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / Leave a comment

Time spent together is one of the most valuable lessons you can teach your children!

Children want nothing more than to be with their family and to be accepted!

Family time increases self esteem, and makes for happy kids! No Doubt about it!!

Here’s hoping that this Thanksgiving is a good one for you and those closest to you!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

“Be thankful for being together!”-Marci (the philosophically intelligent friend of Charlie Brown & Peppermint Patty)

Please, remember to be grateful & Enjoy the Journey, friends!!! 😉

Hey kids, that extra hour was supposed to be for sleep…

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / 1 Comment

Yay, an extra hour of sleep!! Well, that is unless you have kids (or pets) that are on a schedule and can’t tell time. Most of us are thrilled to have an extra hour of sleep when Daylight Saving comes to an end and we “Fall Back.” I learned early along my parenting journey that the time change can wreak havoc on a child with a good schedule. Good parenting involves schedules, so most kids will have some adjustment to make. Most kids have an internal clock, and it’s not necessarily the same as the time on your wall. Making the change can be difficult for many kids and their family.

One way to help minimize the difficulties is to change your child’s schedule in small increments, not an hour all in one day. Change your child’s schedule by 15 minutes at a time. 

Take bedtime for example: If your child typically goes to bed at 8pm, they are going to start melting down around 7. Change their bedtime to 7:15 for a few nights. Then, make bedtime 7:30, a few nights later 7:45, then finally back to 8 a few nights later.

Personally, I am going to enjoy the time change most when I get up for work tomorrow and it isn’t dark outside. There may be challenges during the day and especially in the evening, but the sun coming up an hour earlier will make getting my kids up a little easier. On the flip side, it will make outside playtime after school shorter, meaning less time for the kids to ‘get their wiggles out.’

Every stage of raising kids has it’s challenges. So, I have a small anecdote for those of you with kids that were up too early for you to enjoy your extra hour. Watch out when they do learn to tell time… When Joshua first learned to tell time, I tried to get him to bed a little earlier. He told me that the clock didn’t say 8:00, so it wasn’t his bedtime yet! That took a little extra time and some coersion…. So, enjoy the days when they don’t tell time, the next stage is equally challenging.

I hope all of you get to put that extra hour to good use and find time to spend it Enjoying the Journey!

Helping Children Deal with Disaster

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / 1 Comment

With all of the news coverage of Hurricane Sandy, aka “Frankenstorm” I thought I should write a post about helping children deal with natural disasters.

So, how can you help your child go through a stressful event and minimize worry and concern?

  • The most important thing to do is stay calm. Children look to the adults around them for support and comfort. Often, parents will appear anxious, worried, and constantly talk about their fears and “what if…” scenarios. When a child is exposed to these behaviors, they will most likely be more anxious and worried as well.
  • Turn the TV OFF! Watching images of destroyed property, angry weather, and listening to hyped up newscasters will only increase a child’s concern. Watch a family movie or play a family game instead.
  • Talk to your child about their fears and concerns. Children will often be worried about things because they have exaggerated or irrational predictions about what may happen.
  • If there are serious injuries or losses, make sure your child knows what is going on. Children that don’t know the reality of a situation will often assume the worse.
  • Encourage your child to ask you any questions they want. Discuss what they are worried about, the unknown can be scary.
  • Find time for friends. Having life return to normal as soon as possible can be the best way to help your child understand that things will be ok!
  • Spend time together, this will make your child feel comfortable and secure.
  • Remember, children are resilient, they often persevere during times of stress and turmoil!
  • Encourage your child to journal or draw to deal with their feelings.
  • Continue to practice habits for good health. Get adequate sleep, exercise and make sure you eat well. Taking care of your body in times of stress is important. For tips on nutrition, check out my post, Let them eat cake… for breakfast?

Helping children through times of high anxiety can be challenging. Recognizing that your child is having difficulty dealing with a situation is not always easy. Symptoms of stress and anxiety can present in multiple ways, such as: bad dreams, insomnia, bed wetting, not eating well, not wanting to venture away from a parent/caregiver, stomach aches, headaches, not wanting to play with friends, difficulty concentrating, difficulty in school, or even irritability. If your child seems to be having lingering effects for a prolonged period of time, I would recommend seeing your primary care provider. Children can have Acute Stress Syndrome, which occurs immediately or within a month of the precipitating even. Children can  suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome if the fear and anxiety symptoms last for weeks or months.

If you and your family had to endure the weather challenges of Hurricane Sandy, I hope you came through it without any serious injuries or damages. It sure was  one heck of a storm, definitely one for the record books. Going through natural disasters is an unfortunate part of life. It is part of the journey we could all do without!

Hopefully this part of your journey will be put behind you quickly, and make you and your children stronger on the flip side.

Small Dose #13 – Getting the “Wild Things” back to a Sleep Routine

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / Leave a comment

HI! I wanted to write a short post to help you get those kiddos back into a bedtime routine before school starts.

It’s fun to hang with the “Wild Things” during the summer!

If you are anything like us, your kids have had a liberal or non-existant sleep schedule during summer. That is one of the fun things about summer when you are a kid!!

I recommend getting back into some sort of routine 1 -2 weeks before school actually starts. Kids don’t automatically just go to bed at 8:30 if they have been able to stay up until 10:00 for a few months.

So, here is my advice for getting things back on schedule:

1. Start your kids on a consistent bedtime. Pick whatever their average bedtime has been.

2. Every 2-3 nights make that bedtime earlier by 15 or 20 minutes, i.e.: start at 10pm a few nights, after 2 nights make it 9:45, then a few nights later make it 9:30, etc…

3. Turn the TV OFF!! If I teach you nothing else, please understand how important it is for kids to have about an hour of “No Screens” before they go to bed. They can look at a book, take a warm bath, play quietly in their room, anything that is relaxing for them. NO TV, ipad, Computer, video games, etc. This is the perfect opportunity to get them back into reading.

4. Make the routine before bed consistent. I’ve mentioned my “bath, book, bed” mantra in my blog on sleep. Kids function best when they have a consistent routine.

5. Tell ’em you love ’em, xoxo, and then it’s Lights Out!

For more information on kid’s sleep, please check out my blog Sleep is Crucial for Healthy Development.

I hope you and your family have enjoyed the summer and have been able to spend some quality family time together.

Remember, it’s all about Enjoying the Journey!! 😉

Sleep is Crucial for Healthy Development

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / 3 Comments

Amount and quality of sleep impacts children in every aspect imaginable. Sleep is crucial for proper growth and development, as well as daily functioning. Sleep is essential for neural development, and even a modest decrease in adequate sleep can decrease cognitive ability. According to The Journal of Developmental and Pediatric Behavior, there is a link between preschoolers who sleep less than 10 hours a day and behavior problems.  There is a significant correlation between hyperactive and impulsive behavior and short sleep duration.

I meet many parents that don’t understand the importance of sleep. I have parents bring their kids in to be evaluated for ADHD  and one of the first things we discuss is sleep. If a child is having sleep problems, we need to help correct the sleep issues before thinking about ADHD as the problem, it could be sleep deprivation.

Some parents will tell me their child goes to bed when they get tired. REALLY?? I’m thinking this doesn’t usually go over well. This may work on rare occasions when the child goes to bed at a reasonable time and is following the bodies natural sleep signals. Most children have a natural “window” when they will exhibit signs of sleepiness; rubbing eyes, slowing of activity, etc. If the child doesn’t go to bed during this time, they have an adrenaline rush, which keeps them up for a few more hours, and way past their bedtime!

Children should be expected to sleep in their own bed, and have a good bedtime ritual and schedule from a very young age. Good sleep hygiene makes all the difference as children grow and develop into adulthood. I’m not an advocate of co-sleeping. It may work for some families, but most of the time, the kids disturb the parents, and the parents disturb the kids. I’m all for early morning cuddling, after everyone has had a good nights sleep.

Getting an inadequate amount of sleep actually leads to nighttime wakening. For a child that is having trouble sleeping through the night, it is important to make sure the child is actually getting enough sleep. When children are tired, they will actually show signs of hyperactivity and irritability rather than signs of being tired.

Are their medical reasons that a child may not sleep well?? YES!! Children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) often have trouble falling asleep because they have trouble turning their brain off. When it comes to sleep and ADHD, each affects the other… ADHD can interfere with sleep, and sleep can make ADHD worse! Talk about a double edged sword…  When Josh was a baby we put him to bed with classical music for the first 2 years of his life, this worked wonders, but he decided he didn’t want it anymore when he was 2. Now, we use a “white noise” machine. If you are worried you child may have ADHD, check out my post Hyperactive or just busy…Could your child have ADHD?

Another medical problem that could interfere with adequate sleep is sleep apnea. Children that have allergies, causing swollen tonsils and adenoids, can have sleep apnea. For allergy info, check out Springtime & Sneezes…You might have allergies if… Children that  suffer from obesity are also high-risk for sleep apnea. Obesity can cause many other medical problems that I will address in a future post.

So, what can we do as parents to help our children get adequate sleep??

  • A good bedtime routine can help; bath, book, then bed is a common mantra of mine.
  • Read before bed, but read books for pleasure, or magazines, things that are of interest to the child. I love going into Joshua’s room at night and finding him asleep on top of his book! 🙂
  • Nightlights are helpful for young kids that have fears related to the dark, making it difficult for them to fall asleep.
  • NO TVs in the bedroom!! This cannot be emphasized enough, NO TV IN THE BEDROOM!!
  • Turn off all screens (TV, computer, ipod, phone texting, etc.) 1 hour before lights out.
  • a “white noise” machine, this is my kids favorite! You can get them with different sounds: rain, ocean, rain forest, waterfall, summer night, etc.

A child that doesn’t get enough sleep will be at risk for behavior problems, decreased immune function, increased irritability, inability to play independently, inability to learn from the environment, and interference with proper growth and development.  Lack of sleep can also increase a child’s risk for obesity, depression, diabetes, and cardiovascular disease.  It can also affect emotional well-being, performance, productivity, and cognitive ability. 

When I tell you about kids and sleep problems, I’m telling you not only from education but from experience. Joshua has had trouble falling asleep since he was a toddler.  Does it have anything to do with his ADHD? I’m sure it does. He could be the perfect case study of a child with proper sleep and then without.  He can be such a sweet, intelligent, polite, mannerly, inquisitive, interesting, funny guy. With no sleep, he turns into the Tasmanian devil.  He is whiny, irritable, fatigued, twirling his hair, and literally twirls in circles.  Wow, what a difference sleep can make. I have no doubt that Josh gets his sleep issues from genetics as well, I have problems with sleep sometimes too. My problems are because of a disease called fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia severely impacts one’s sleep. Inadequate sleep makes fibromyalgia worse. Interesting how all of these medical conditions have a reciprocal impact on one’s sleep and one’s health.

Sleep is important for all of us! Make it a priority for your children and it will make your parenting journey a little bit easier…Promise! 😉

Sweet Dreams and don’t forget to Enjoy the Journey!

Summer Safety Rule #1 – Always, Always, Always keep an eye on kids around water!!

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / 2 Comments

Photo from Confession’s of a Dr. Mom blog post: “In the blink of an eye”

The story is always the same – “I only looked away for a second…” and the end of the story is complete tragedy. I couldn’t write a better post myself about how important Water Safety is for children, so I am sharing a post from Confessions of a Dr. Mom. NO ONE wants to live through the loss of a child by drowning.

When Drew was about 3 she wanted to “show off” for some colleagues I had over for an evening around the pool. She proceeded to go down the ladder in the deep end of our pool, saying, “Watch me swim!” Only problem, she couldn’t swim yet!! I was inside getting supplies for our evening and when I came out, my friend Abby was climbing out of the pool with her. It took less than a second worth of discussion from the adults to realize that Drew wasn’t able to swim. She swam a few feet away from the ladder, and then started to SINK!

There are so many stories about kids that just narrowly miss drowning because someone was being vigilant. There are too many stories about children that weren’t so lucky.

DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOUR FAMILY! BE VIGILANT!

I read a blog by a pediatrician that shares some lifesaving advice. Melissa shares some great “Water Safety Rules”. Read her post  In the Blink of an eye, it is truly eye opening!! Thanks for sharing such great advice, Melissa!

Toddlers need constant attention, the “touch” rule is a good one! Don’t let a split second mistake ruin your Journey!

Small Dose #11 – Just 10-15 minutes a day…

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / Leave a comment

SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR CHILD IS THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN DO AS A PARENT!!

The one thing I keep seeing in my practice is children that aren’t getting enough time with Mom and/or Dad.  It is so obvious that kids just want to spend time with their parents. These children are sad and looking for attention, or are uncommunicative and withdrawn. I had a 10 year old come to her annual physical without a parent and ask me if I would like to go to her Talent Show. I almost cried. A 7 year old patient with behavior issues told Mom the one thing he would like the most as his reward for good behavior is time with Dad. Again, I had to hold back the tears….

When I see children that are happy, it correlates to time spent with Mom and/or Dad. When I come across kids that are not doing well, it seems to go back to no  1 on 1 time or not enough 1 on 1 time with their parents.

It is absolutely essential that kids get Mom and Dad’s time and attention every day.

Time spent together makes kids happier, healthier, more able to cope and builds self esteem. It takes as little as 10-15 minutes a day to make an impact on your child’s world. Time together decreases the chances of depression, anxiety, eating disorders and substance abuse.

Sure, there are many things that parents have to get done in a day, but time with children and family MUST be a priority! It doesn’t matter if you play a game, toss a ball around, go for a walk, or just sit down and talk. For ideas about what to do when you are together check out Being Together is Most Important

So, make time to be together every day! This will ensure that you and your children enjoy the journey! 🙂

Parenting = Biggest Rewards + Most Frustrating Job You Will EVER Have!!

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / 2 Comments

Have you ever had one of those days that you just don’t know what to do as a parent? I’m living it right now! I thought I would share, because writing about difficult times is therapeutic, and I thought you all would like to know none of us have all the answers! 

I thought nursing school was hard – okay, kinda…. I thought getting in shape after having a baby was hard – yes, but not so bad… I thought getting my master’s was hard – very time consuming, but not as bad as I thought.

But, let me tell you – J.O.S.H.U.A. IS THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE GOD HAS EVER PRESENTED ME WITH…EVER!

Joshua is the sweetest, most intelligent, creative, cute, silly, talkative, impulsive, disruptive, unmotivated, lackadaisical kid I’ve ever encountered!!! He is doing so well intellectually and academically; but just can’t seem to keep his mouth shut, stay in his seat, or stop himself from disrupting class.

His science teacher commented on how great he did when they dissected cow eyeballs last week. He loves science! His reading level is 12th grade, rather impressive for a 4th grader. He read the entire Harry Potter series in less than 5 months when he was 8 years old. His guitar teacher talks about how creative he is. Mike said he has students that have been taking guitar lessons for over 5 years that couldn’t create and improvise music the way Josh can; he could be the next great song writer and guitarist for Phish. He gets awesome grades on his tests and projects, even earning bonus points sometimes. This is the kid that amazed the psychologist with his IQ test scores. And, lately, he’s been watching all these science shows that talk about concepts that baffle even me, such as the sixth sense, the worm holes in outer space, and galaxies far beyond our own. Yes, I’m a Proud Mom, most of the time!

Then, the dreaded email comes, as it did today… Josh was disruptive, talkative and silly in class. AAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!! There were more details, but I won’t bore you with how he got sent to the Headmaster and had to write his teacher an apology note. :-/ This kid is so smart, he thinks he can get away with acting silly, but as long as he get good grades it’s no big deal. I just don’t know what to do with him!!! (Any suggestions are welcome.) He’s already lost all toys, electronics, and only has his musical instruments and books to occupy his time as he spends the evenings for the rest of this week in his room (his dinner will go up on a tray). I am so frustrated with him!!!

I am great at helping other people with their parenting dilemmas. I have an answer for most situations, but under my own roof I’m currently stumped!  Even his teacher (who’s been teaching for well over 20 years) says she has never met a kid like him. When he is focused, he’s exceptional, creative, and does amazing work. When he doesn’t want to do something, it’s like he’s a totally different kid. Thankfully, every teacher he’s had has been just as impressed with his intelligence, just as challenged with his behavior, but has convinced me that this kid is headed for greatness… All this parenting effort and heartache will pay off! Right???

Tomorrow he will be sorry for his behavior, will act like an angel for days, and make me sorry I’ve been mad at him. This will last just long enough for me to forget what he did, and then…. well, I don’t have to tell you, do I?? He’s a boy, and boys will be boys… and boys with ADHD are even more challenging to parent!! You can check out my ADHD blog at Hyperactive or just busy…could your child have ADHD?

Parenting is one of the toughest, most rewarding, most frustrating jobs any of us will ever have. It’s hard work, but the pay offs are big!  The time you put into it pays off, and the effort you put into your parenting will make your children better people as they grow up. Go with me on this one, it’s the only hope I have at the moment. 😉

I’m convinced that God has a plan for Joshua! I’m hopeful that he will change the world someday. My current objective is to change his behavior just enough to get him there…that’s if I don’t kill him first! My answer for now is to call in all the reinforcements I can. I’ll consult with his pediatrician, psychologist, and teachers at school. Fortunately, they are all intrigued with Joshua, and will give me all the advice and support they have to offer.

I often say “God makes them cute for a reason, it’s so we don’t kill ’em!” 😉

As the title of this post states, Parenting brings the biggest rewards and the biggest challenges most of us will ever face. Through the smiles and the tears, we still have to enjoy the journey friends!! Thanks for listening. 😉

Josh and his Fender

Creating….

Being Together is Most Important

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / 2 Comments

Hi all, lately I haven’t had time to do much blogging, and figured I better catch up just a little. In the Springtime, there is just so much to do, but remembering to take time for yourself and your family is important! As a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner, I am very committed to keeping kids healthy, and the mental health of our children is just as important (if not more) than physical health. Make sure you take time to smell the roses with your family. Sometimes we need to schedule “unscheduled” time, which I wrote about in Leave the Schedule behind and Enjoy Family Time. When I think of what kinds of things the family can do to spend time together, the first thing I think of is planting flowers or a garden. This can be a task that requires time and attention for weeks to come, but the pay offs are BIG! It’s exciting and rewarding for kids to watch something grow and see the fruits of their labor! I LOVE to plant flowers, I’ll be sure to post some pictures after all the hard work is done.

Just a reminder – your kids just want to be with you! Giving yourself and your time is the best gift you can give your child. The love and attention of a parent builds trust, self confidence, and self-esteem!

My Family
(photo compliments of In His Grace Photography)

I thought I would make a list of some of the things that the family can do to spend time together:

  • plant flowers or a garden
  • go for a bike ride
  • go for a nature hike
  • prepare a meal together, homemade pizza is always a hit 😉
  • bake cookies (plain sugar cookies can lead to fun and creative decorating too)
  • have a picnic
  • play at the beach
  • go swimming
  • play a game; board games, charades, soccer, golf, the possibilities are endless
  • put a puzzle together
  • sing a song together
  • volunteer
  • draw or paint a picture
  • look at family pictures or make a new scrapbook
  • go camping, even if it’s in the backyard
  • fly a kite
  • visit friends or relatives
  • visit an amusement park
  • go bowling
  • read a story aloud for the whole family to enjoy
  • Just be together!!
What are some things that your family likes to do to spend quality time together?

Life is about enjoying the journey, not reaching a destination! Now, off to the flower shop, so we can make the yard beautiful! 🙂

Small Dose #10 – Take it back…

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / Leave a comment

Have you ever said something and then immediately thought, I wish I could take that back?? I’m guessing your answer is Yes! 

We have all had those moments when we wish we could take back something we said.  I was chatting with a friend yesterday about the unfortunate reality that kids say things before they think, at least ours do. She introduced me to a cool parenting concept she calls “Take Backs”.    

Kellie told me when her kids say something that is inappropriate or out of line, she will look at them and give them a chance to take it back.  Her kids get only 1 “take back” a day. This gives them a chance to think about what they have said. If the behavior continues, all bets are off, and it’s mean mom time… Mean Moms are the best Moms is a post I wrote a few weeks ago. Mean Mom techniques are crucial for raising responsible, independent kids.

I think “take backs” is a wonderful idea. What a progressive, 21st century parenting tip, and it works!! If you ever met her kids, you would know they are being raised by a pretty good (single) mom. She says as a single mom she has to set guidelines, and stick to them. Her kids know that she means what she says! I think giving kids an opportunity to think about what they have said helps them learn to take some responsibility, and helps them build confidence and self esteem.

I thought this was a great idea, and wanted to share it with all of you! I think it could be especially helpful for my impulsive ADHD’er! I’ll be sure to share a few of her other secrets in future posts.

Good luck along your journey, and remember, we all say things we wish we could take back. Maybe focusing on this “take backs” concept will help our children actually think before they speak…Now wouldn’t that be nice! 😉