health tips

Mean Moms are the Best Moms

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / 6 Comments

“I loved you enough . . . to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home.
I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.
I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.
I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren’t perfect.
I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.
But most of all, I loved you enough . . . to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it.
Those were the most difficult battles of all. I’m glad I won them, because in the end you won, too.
And someday when your children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.”

I saw this poem in a pediatrician’s office when Joshua was a baby, and immediately knew these were words to live by. I was once again reminded of it today when a friend of mine called me for some Mom advice. I’ve told y’all that I started this blog because many of my friends call me for advice about their kids health and parenting issues. I never mind sharing my perspective and professional advice with a friend. I think we should all help each other.

As I’ve said before, It takes a village to raise a child, and it really does!!! 🙂

housewifeToday when I got a call from CC’s mom and heard what was going on, I knew I needed to do some clean up work, and fast. Mom’s mental health and stability is crucial for a happy, healthy family!!  CC is 13.5 months old, and one of the cutest little girls you would ever want to meet. She has a handsome, athletic Papa, and a beautiful, smart, strong, athletic, determined, and caring Momma. 😉 From the beginning, CC has given her parents many happy moments, and also a few challenging moments along their parenting journey. I remember going over in the first few weeks and helping CC and her Momma get the breastfeeding challenges under control. I told Mom at the time this was going to be a very head-strong little girl. I could tell from the beginning that she was going to learn how to do things her way. Today’s phone call let me know once again how head-strong and smart little CC is going to be. Even though she can’t say anything yet, CC made it known that she wanted to spend more time with her grandmother than mom by pushing away and saying what sounded like ‘Go away’….Can you say Heartbreak!! 😦 CC isn’t really talking yet, but we are thinking her first words were ‘Go away.’ When Mom called me, she had been processing this for a little while and just couldn’t believe her baby girl’s first words might actually be Go Away.

What this tells me is that Miss CC is S.M.A.R.T!! She has already figured out that spending time with a grandparents is all fun and games! Children learn very early on how to wrap those grandparents right around their little finger. Unfortunately, Mommy and Daddy don’t have this same luxury. Mothers and fathers have to be the disciplinarians. Parenting is NOT always fun. Children depend on their parents to set boundaries, create limits, and teach them what the real world is all about.  Mom and Dad don’t have all day to sit and play; they have to prepare meals, clean, do laundry, and work all while keeping up with the daily routine of life. So, playing all day is out of the question. Kids learn very early that they can get away with so much more with grandparents than parents, and they definitely use this to their advantage. Mom referred to CC as Miss Independence. I agreed with her, and told her that the text books really do call this developmental stage “Miss Independence.” Yes, there is no doubt where CC gets her smarts. 😉

I tell the working  mom’s I know that they really have 2 jobs, but only one of those jobs pays a salary. I tell the Moms that stay home that they have the hardest non-paying job ever. Motherhood is the hardest thing we will ever do… EVER!  Being a mother is the most thankless job you will ever have, but you really won’t care.  There is a saying that motherhood is like having your heart walk around outside your chest …how very, very true!

Being a mom does not mean you are your child’s friend. You can be their friend when they grow up and realize what a great person you are, and what a good mom you have been. Being a mom does not mean that you will do your child’s homework, they have to learn how to solve problems on their own. If they don’t struggle a little with learning, how will they ever persevere when things get tough.  Do not allow your child to think they are better than someone else. Being a mom means that you will discipline your child when they start to act inappropriately to another person. If children are not taught right from wrong, they will not learn what is right or wrong.  A mom should not let you talk disrespectfully to other people. A mom will make you use your manners, even if people are unkind. All of these Mean Mom things are going to help your child cope with the world around them, and build their confidence and self esteem. I could go on and on, but I think you get my point. And, yes, there are times, that you can let your guard down and just have fun with your children.

So, to my friend, I hope you are feeling better about being a Mean Mom. You are doing a fabulous job along this challenging  journey called Parenthood. Keep up the good work!! CC will thank you someday. 😉

As Mean Moms, we are teaching our children what is right and helping them become better people.

Mean moms are the world’s best moms! The world needs more mean moms on this journey, don’t you agree??

Small Dose #7 – A little TLC goes a long way!

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / Leave a comment

When your child is sick, the most important thing you can do is be there!!

Last night when Drew Elizabeth was vomiting, even though I am a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner, I couldn’t do anything…..except BE THERE & LOVE HER! Just being there beside her between the bouts of vomiting made all the difference in the world. Most of the time, Children tolerate illness better than adults. Children don’t know what to expect when they are sick. If  parents can be brave, strong, supportive and loving, it makes their children brave and strong.

The one thing we all want to do when our children are sick is make them better. This usually isn’t possible, most illnesses will last a certain amount of time no matter what we do as parents.Trust that your support can fix it just a little bit. So, as you travel along this unbelievable journey, remember how important a little TLC can be! 😉

Just being there and holding their hand makes all the difference in the world!

The scoop on poop…Could your kid be constipated??

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / 2 Comments

From infants to teenagers, constipation seems to be a problem for so many kids! I had a visit with a 9 year old and her mom about her stomach pain related to constipation problems. As soon as I left the room I realized that Dr. M was seeing a 2 month old for ongoing constipation issues. Then, at the end of the day, Dr. T’s first call of the evening came in before we ever left the office, and it was about a 3 month old with constipation problems. So, you see, this is a daily problem in pediatrics. Anyone that works in pediatrics will tell you that we talk about poop everyday, sometimes all day. Inadequate nutritional intake and hydration is usually the problem. 

In my house, my kids are 2 for 2 on this topic. Drew Elizabeth has been as regular as clockwork until just a few months ago. I’m sure most of you remember my Paranoid Mom post about Drew Elizabeth’s chest pain. She has never had a problem in the past, but in the past few months she hasn’t been eating her veggies as she should, and as she used to for the past 5 years. Kids…I can’t always explain why they do the things they do… I usually have more problems with my own than with yours! 😉

My poor Joshua has had constipation problems since he was an infant.  Joshua is the child that taught me all about children’s constipation. Well, Joshua and a PNP GI specialist ;-)!  Joshua eats an apple almost everyday. He loves apple slices with cinnamon; I highly recommend this, it’s great for the bowels.  Even with adequate fruits and veggies, Josh still doesn’t drink enough water (hence, the importance of hydration) to keep himself regular.

Most kids do not eat enough fruits and vegetables. For proper nutrition information, you can check out Let Them Eat Cake…For Breakfast??  Not only do most kids need to eat more fruits and veggies, they need to drink more water. Yes, I’ve tried to cover that too, you can read more about hydration in The Importance of Hydration. If adequate amounts of fiber and hydration don’t help your child with their constipation problems, I would recommend an evaluation with your child’s medical provider. Ongoing constipation can cause the large colon to expand and cause nerve damage and leaky gut and multiple other systemic problems that don’t even seem related to the bowels, but they are. Our immune system is centered in our gut, a healthy gut really matters.

By definition, constipation is having 3 or fewer bowel movements in a week that are hard, dry, and usually hurt.

A few facts about constipation:

  • When kids are constipated, they usually eat less.
  • When kids are constipated, they will usually have stomach pain, and usually on the lower left side.
  • When kids are constipated, they may have nausea and vomiting.
  • When kids are constipated, they may have more urinary incontinence (accidents), urinary frequency, and bedwetting.

So, what can you do to help your child with constipation? 

  • High fiber foods: fruits and vegetables (the crunchier, the better), beans, fresh popcorn, baked potato w/skin, berries, oatmeal. (The one fruit to avoid with constipation is bananas, they can make stools harder.)
  • Drink more water!!
  • Decrease processed foods, like carbohydrates made with white and wheat flour.
  • Getting normal exercise can help with bowel movements also.
  • Do not rush potty time. Children will often not take the time that they need to sit and eliminate their bowels.
  • Infants will frequently have temporary constipation problems when they are transitioning to new foods such as cereal, or  from breastfeeding to formula feeding. Do not give cereal under 4 months unless instructed by a medical provider.
  • In infants, try a couple ounces of 100% apple or pear juice, if this doesn’t work, you can try prune juice. Baby juice does not need to be diluted, adult juice should be diluted with half water.
  • Abdominal massage. I recommend abdominal massage to all the infants I work with that have constipation issues as a first line treatment! Massaging clockwise around the belly button and then doing the I Love You massage can work wonders for infants. With the I Love You massage, start with a few strokes of the I (left of belly button), then the L is upside down (above and to the left of the belly button), and then the U (around the belly button). This helps massage the large bowel, and can be quite helpful. Be sure to use mineral oil and apply a moderate amount of pressure. Most babies will enjoy this once they start to relax.
I hope you found some of this information helpful! Constipation can definitely make this parenting  journey a little painful for you and your child!
The ‘I Love You’ massage works! Ask the massage therapist that taught me about it when Joshua was an infant. 😉

Small Dose #6 – Medication Conversions

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / Leave a comment

I felt it was necessary to provide a resource of medication conversions based on my last post about Medication Safety. Children depend on their parents to keep them safe and healthy. Don’t let them down!

1/4 tsp = 1.25cc

1/2 tsp = 2.5 cc

3/4 tsp = 3.75 cc

1 tsp = 5 cc

1 tbsp = 15 cc

1 oz = 30cc

cc = ml (same thing, different label)

I urge you to take the administration of medication very seriously, your child’s life depends on it! Do not give medications frequently unless advised by your child’s health care provider.

There is just so much to learn and be responsible for on this Parenting journey! It really does take a village! 😉

Don’t eat that egg…You’re allergic to Ragweed…Huh??

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / 4 Comments

Why in the world would I be telling you not to eat eggs if your allergic to Ragweed?? Concomitant Food Allergies.

Did you know there are certain foods that can make your environmental allergies worse? There are also foods that can worsen food allergies and food intolerance. These are called Concomitant or Synergistic Allergies. When certain environmental allergens are blooming (like ragweed for instance), eating these foods (such as eggs or milk) can make the allergy symptoms worse. Avoiding these foods during the blooming season is very helpful.

I wrote a post last week with basic allergy information, symptoms and treatment options, Springtime & Sneezes…You might have allergies if…. This post will help you recognize and treat your allergy symptoms.

You may not know what you are allergic to, and that is why allergy testing can be helpful!! Treating allergies isn’t easy, and knowing which allergens affect you can make developing a treatment plan easier. I remember calling my friend Kathy, RN/Allergy Specialist and asking her about Joshua’s allergies. She is my saving grace when it comes to Joshua and his allergies. (If you haven’t picked up on it yet, Joshua is definitely one of those kids that needs the entire village!) 😉 I have mentioned that Joshua has allergies, but has a negative RAST test. RAST testing is done via blood draw with lab testing to identify specific allergens.

There are many different panels that can be ordered depending on what part of the country you live in. Joshua was unable to do skin testing because he reacted to the control test that contained only saline. 😦 How his RAST test was negative alludes me… But, I say kids don’t read and follow the books. 😉 Also, we can’t test for every substance under the sun, it’s just not possible. Every April since this boy was 2 months old he has had a clear runny nose, that, my friends, is allergies!! No doubt about it. Some doctors will tell you that infants can’t have allergies. I beg to differ, I live with that clear runny nose, morning cough and sneezing each April, and have for 10 years now. Joshua eats a lot of apples, this high fiber food is actually necessary to help Joshua with another of his problems, but we can talk about why kids need fiber another day. 😉 So in April, when all the trees are blooming, Joshua avoids apples.

Keep in mind that allergy symptoms can be cough, congestion, clearing your throat, sniffles, runny nose, sore/scratchy throat, itchy/watery eyes, headache, skin rash, dry skin, eczema and asthma.

So, I wanted to share a list of specific foods that compound allergy symptoms. The following charts are provided by Online Allergy Center, and list what foods make specific allergies worse.

As you or your children sneeze and cough your way though this allergy season, I hope this information helps you Enjoy the Journey and beauty of Spring a little bit more! 😉

Proven Concomitant Foods:
Rhus Allergy (poison ivy, oak, sumac)… Pork, Black pepper
Ragweed… Egg, Milk, Mint
Iva ciliata… Wheat
Sage… Potato, Tomato, Tobacco (chewing or snuff)
Pigweed… Pork, Black pepper
Grass… Legumes: Beans, Peas, Soybean, Cottonseed (cooking fats)
Cedar… Beef, Yeasts (baker’s, brewer’s or malt)
Elm… Milk, Mint
Cottonwood… Lettuce
Oak… Egg, Apple
Pecan… Corn, Banana
Mesquite… Cane sugar, Orange
Dust… Oysters (seafood)
Molds… Monilia, T.O.E., Cheese, Mushrooms, Truffles
Cystic breast disease… Caffeine foods (thoephylline): Coffee, Tea, Cokes, Chocolate

Questionable Concomitant Foods (to be proven):

Dust… Nuts
Influenza Vaccine… Onion
Iva ciliata… Tea
Chenopods… Egg

Proven Synergistic Foods:

Corn… Banana
Beef… Baker’s yeast, Brewer’s yeast
Cane Sugar… Orange
Milk… Mint
Egg… Apple
Pork… Black Pepper

Questionable Synergistic Foods (to be proven):

Wheat… Tea
Pork… Chicken
Milk… Chocolate

“Spring Forward” without meltdowns…. Help your child adjust to the Time Change

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / 5 Comments

If you have a baby or small child, it maybe painfully obvious that they don’t tell time! 

So, How can you help your little one adjust to the time change? 

Children have a difficult time changing schedules, especially by an entire hour. When babies in the hospital need schedule changes, the change is made in small time increments.

Try to change your child’s schedule by 15 minutes at a time each day.

For example, if dinner is usually at 6:00, keep in mind 6:00 is now 7:00. Waiting an extra hour for food is way too long for a little one. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how quickly a hungry or tired child can have a meltdown. 😉 You could have dinner at 5:15 the first day, 5:30 the second day, 5:45 the third day, and by the fourth day, dinner is at 6:00 again. If you have the opportunity, spend a few days at each new time before moving on. Keep in mind, bedtime is now an hour later, which means they may wake an hour earlier than you plan if you don’t help them adjust. It may be that your child is off schedule enough that it is more difficult to wake them in the morning, small changes can help. If you have little ones that don’t go to school, this is much easier. If you have a little one that has to get up and go to school or daycare, you may have more of a challenge. If you need to be back on schedule by Monday (only 2 days away), you can force the change a little quicker by changing things by 30 minutes vs 15 minutes. It will not be as smooth of an adjustment, but it should be helpful.

Filling the time before meals with small healthy snacks such as fruit or veggies to help hold them over until the new dinnertime can be helpful too.

I learned early along my parenting journey that the time change can wreak havoc on a child with a good schedule. Good parenting involves schedules, so most kids will have some adjustment to make.  I hope this info makes “Springing forward” easier for your family! Good luck and I hope you are Enjoying the Journey! 🙂

There is no such thing as INNOCENT VIOLENCE!

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / Leave a comment

After seeing today’s news about yet ANOTHER high school shooting, I felt compelled to share some information on children and violence.  The future of our children and the society we are creating weighs heavily on my mind.

Children that do not get the needed love, support and guidance during the first few years of life will constantly be seeking attention for the remainder of their life. This can lead to many issues for the child, as they do whatever it takes (good or bad) to feel valued. This feeling of worthlessness leads to inappropriate and high-risk behavior (see below).

I found some information online at the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry that I wanted to share. This is serious stuff, so I’m not going to have any funny jokes or stories today, just feel the need to share some info….

The following information is copied directly from www.aacap.org:

1. “Hundreds of studies of the effects of TV violence on children and teenagers have found that children may:

Children with emotional, behavioral, learning or impulse control problems may be more easily influenced by TV violence.”
(if you click on the above writing in red, you can view the website directly)
2. “Factors Which Increase Risk of Violent Behavior: Numerous research studies have concluded that a complex interaction or combination of factors leads to an increased risk of violent behavior in children and adolescents.  These factors include:
  • Previous aggressive or violent behavior
  • Being the victim of physical abuse and/or sexual abuse
  • Exposure to violence in the home and/or community
  • Genetic (family heredity) factors
  • Exposure to violence in media (TV, movies, etc.)
  • Use of drugs and/or alcohol
  • Presence of firearms in home
  • Combination of stressful family socioeconomic factors (poverty, severe deprivation,    marital breakup, single parenting, unemployment, loss of support from extended family)
  • Brain damage from head injury”

3. “What are the “warning signs” for violent behavior in children? Children who have several risk factors and show the following behaviors should be carefully evaluated:

  • Intense anger
  • Frequent loss of temper or blow-ups
  • Extreme irritability
  • Extreme impulsiveness
  • Becoming easily frustrated

Parents and teachers should be careful not to minimize these behaviors in children.”

4. “Can anything prevent violent behavior in children?

Research studies have shown that much violent behavior can be decreased or even prevented if the above risk factors are significantly reduced or eliminated.  Most importantly, efforts should be directed at dramatically decreasing the exposure of children and adolescents to violence in the home, community, and through the media.  Clearly, violence leads to violence.  In addition, the following strategies can lessen or prevent violent behavior:

  • Prevention of child abuse (use of programs such as parent training, family support programs, etc.)
  • Sex education and parenting programs for adolescents
  • Early intervention programs for violent youngsters
  • Monitoring child’s viewing of violence on TV/videos/movie”
Pretty heavy info, I know, but so important to share. The well being of our children and the future of our society are at risk.  The one thing we can do to make a difference is try our best to raise mentally and emotionally healthy children.  What a difficult, but important journey we are on friends! I hope some of my advice helps you along your journey!

Small Dose #3 – Sleep

/ Katie P. Tolley, RN, MSN, CPNP-PC / 1 Comment

Sleep is a vital need for good health! Make sure your kids have a good bedtime routine.  If your child wakes up tired, they are not getting enough sleep.  If your child wakes up ready to take on the world, sounds like the zzzzz’s were enough. A child that doesn’t get enough sleep is not able to function at their best potential.  Children that do not get enough sleep will exhibit symptoms similar to ADHD; they may have trouble paying attention and retaining important information. More info in a future post on the importance of sleep! Thanks for joining me on this amazing journey called parenthood!! 😉