What to tell the kids when Grandpa is sick… and isn’t going to get better

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Keeping kids informed helps them understand what is going on. Kids know when things aren’t quite right in the family. So, keeping important information from them can actually be more harmful than protective.

So, what do you tell your little one when Grandpa is sick? You tell them the truth, on their level, of course. Answering any questions that your child asks will help keep them from being worried and scared. But, don’t wait for them to ask. They hear the conversations from the other room, they see daddy and mommy worried and upset; and this will make them worried and upset if they don’t have answers.

Just recently, I lost my father-in-law. There were a few weeks of doctors appointments and then a few weeks of daddy having to go to the hospital every night after work. Dinner was later than usual, things that usually got done were put aside for later, our schedules were just “off” with this sudden change.

I tried to keep my kids as informed as 9 and 13 year old grandchildren should be. Some answers were simple, and some were more difficult. But, the conversations were important no matter where they led. It was important for my kids to know that they could ask questions. They would be told the truth, and they could trust that we are honest with them about the real world and real life.

So, when you are wondering if you should tell your child about important family issues, my answer is yes. Do you have to tell them every little detail? I highly recommend NOT doing that. Too much information or information that is above their developmental level is just confusing and leads to more questions.

I’m sure some of you are wondering if my children attended the funeral? Yes, they did. I think they are old enough to understand, and want them to learn proper respect and etiquette in one of life’s most difficult situations. I want them to know it is ok to cry, to smile, to reminisce, to laugh, to be joyful for a life that was loved and will be missed. I also thought it was important for my children to be there for my husband, and for us to be there as a family. Doing things together makes us all stronger. Knowing we can lean on each other is important for all of us. It turned out well, and I got lots of compliments on my children and their behavior. I’m proud of them. Lets me know their father and I are doing something right. 😉

With all of the challenges life offers, it’s important to be able to lean on others through this journey. None of us has to do it alone. Some choose to, others can’t, most fall somewhere in the middle.

I hope that you learn to weather the storms along your journey so that you can appreciate and enjoy the rainbows.

Always Enjoy the Journey! 😉 

SnOw DaYs

Walking through my living room this morning picking up nerf bullets, I thought to myself, “Someday, I’m not going to have to pick these up.” WAIT(!!!) just a minute…. Ummm… someday… I’m not going to have to pick up nerf bullets… or any kids toys, for that matter… At that moment, I decided how grateful I was for snow days.

The first few are always so exciting. The kids are up early. They want to go outside and play. You dress them up, only to spend less time outside than it took to get ready to go outside. Then, afterwards, there’s hot chocolate. Marshmallows? Yes, please. Yum.

By the 5th or 6th snow day, they don’t even care where their snow boots are, they don’t want to go out, “it’s cold out there.” Josh told me it was just frozen water, no biggie. That was before the fun of sledding (pictures to follow). It was cold, but we eventually thawed out. 😉

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Sitting in front of the fire reading with the cat… Peaceful, leisurely, snow days.

If you don’t live in an area that gets snow, I’m sorry. I am glad I got to grow up somewhere that it snows and we had days off school for snow. It adds a few days on to the calendar in June sometimes, but, when it’s only February, you really don’t care. I remember being out over a week my Senior year of high school. Didn’t matter to me, Seniors’ last day was set no matter how many snow days there were. A little selfish of me? Sure, but, I was 17, what do you expect.

Now, I’m fortunate to have a job that allows me the benefit of staying home on snow days. Believe me though, I’ve put my time in. I’ve driven home from work on roads that were sheets of ice. One time, my husband drove me to work when I was an OB nurse, and we followed snow plows all the way down the highway from our town to the neighboring town where I worked. And, just like hospitals, most pediatric and other doctors offices don’t close unless the weather is really bad. So, it’s only been in the past couple years that I had a job with ‘snow days.’

Parenthood is about so many things, the daily meal planning, keeping track of all the schedules, getting the laundry done, keeping the house just clean enough to live in, homework, and all those other things that are so challenging and time-consuming.

Parenthood should also be about the snow days… The days that weIMG_0401 have no choice but to slow down. The days we take the time to enjoy the beauty of nature. The birds in the bird feeder with a backdrop that’s a perfect blanket of snow. The sleeping pet that enjoys having everyone home. And, the mom/dad that gets a chance to slow down, even if just for a moment between working on assignments while working at home on a snow day. 😉

Some of the best moments are the ones that are not in our plans. What is it they say about spontaneity?? All I know is that it’s a good thing. We need to take advantage of the moments that are dictated by forces beyond our control, and we make a change to our daily routines. That’s what is called “Enjoying the Journey” my friends. And, it’s essential to a good life!

Right now… Drew is sitting next to me reading Chapter 3 in her novel, Farewell, My Lunchbag, A Chet Gecko Mystery, and laughing right out loud. This is her reading assignment for today’s snow day. You see, my kids are not at a deficit for something to do. Their teachers email their assignments. 🙂  I think it’s a great alternative to the loss of instructional time. So, on this snow day, I get to experience something I would not have otherwise. Drew would usually be doing this reading in school. My opportunity to witness the joy it brings her is only possible because of this snow day.

So, today, like most snow days. I will be grateful for the time that I get to be Mom. These are the moments I’m not going to have someday. These moments of pure, innocent childhood that I am blessed enough to witness.

Snow days give us a chance to smell the proverbial roses. I hope those of you that have had a snow day or two, or more, remember how magical snow can be for a child (and an adult).

So, whether it’s your first or your umpteenth snow day… Please…  Take the time to Enjoy the Journey! 😉

My crew

My crew sledding

Hyperactive or just busy… Could your child have ADHD?? (v.2)

So many parents ask about ADHD and their child. Kids are busy and active, and they are supposed to be; so how do you know if they are “hyperactive” vs. “normoactive”… Read Hyperactive or just busy… and find out.

Even with the struggles, I hope you to take the time to Enjoy the Journey while you are figuring it out. 😉

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Can you imagine being Dennis’ mom?? Some days, I think I am…

My latest Bright idea… Screen time sign in!

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I’ve preached about screen time to clients and friends alike for years. And, right now, I’m in the middle of prime screen “time sucking” age with my 8 and 12 year old kids. Screens are involved in so much of our daily lives, that we don’t always realize how much time we spend looking at a screen. For adults, eh, not so great, but for our childrens’ developing minds, not good, NOT GOOD AT ALL!

Screen time includes computers, tablets, laptops, smartphones, iPods, iPads, video games, etc. Basically, anything that has a screen and gets plugged in. We refer to the whole bundle as “electronics” in our house.

There are studies that say kids should not have “too much” screen time, but how much is “too much?” The articles I’ve read say the national average is 7 hours a day! That’s way too much! The general consensus is 2 hours a day, but there are variations with age. For example, the AAP recommends for children less than 2 years old, little or no screen time. Not a problem when I had just Josh, he wasn’t interested in TV anyway. But when Drew Elizabeth came along, Josh was already watching TV, so she was exposed by just being in the same room.

Why does limiting screen time matter you might ask? Oh, that sweet,wonderful denial I’ve had with screen time for years. I know too much screen time is not good for your brain, I’m not one of those moms that plopped her kids down in front of the TV so that she could get something done, well, maybe on occasion, but that’s real life. I also spent plenty of time helping my kids do crafty things, and play outside, and just go be kids with unscheduled time, because that is so important! I read an article recently about how the screen and video gaming affects the neurotransmitters, like dopamine, in the brain, and not for the better. This means screen time can have an impact on every aspect of your life. Too much screen time disturbs sleep, causes attention problems, causes problems focusing, and can easily lead to obesity. There are lots of other specifics, and NIH has details about this if you are interested, click here.

I found a fascinating article about brain changes associated with increased screen time at PsychologyToday.com. This article makes me even more determine to limit the amount of screen time my kids get. Here are a few good reasons;

  • Gray matter atrophy: Multiple studies have shown atrophy (shrinkage or loss of tissue volume) in gray matter areas (where “processing” occurs) in internet/gaming addiction (Zhou 2011, Yuan 2011, Weng 2013,and Weng 2012). Areas affected included the important frontal lobe, which governs executive functions, such as planning, planning, prioritizing, organizing, and impulse control (“getting stuff done”). Volume loss was also seen in the striatum, which is involved in reward pathways and the suppression of socially unacceptable impulses. A finding of particular concern was damage to an area known is the insula, which is involved in our capacity to develop empathy and compassion for others and our ability to integrate physical signals with emotion. Aside from the obvious link to violent behavior, these skills dictate the depth and quality of personal relationships.”
  • Cravings and impaired dopamine function: Research on video games have shown dopamine (implicated in reward processing and addiction) is released during gaming (Koepp 1998 and Kuhn 2011) and that craving or urges for gaming produces brain changes that are similar to drug cravings (Ko 2009, Han 2011).”
  • “In short, excessive screen-time appears to impair brain structure and function. Much of the damage occurs in the brain’s frontal lobe, which undergoes massive changes from puberty until the mid-twenties. Frontal lobe development, in turn, largely determines success in every area of life—from sense of well-being to academic or career success to relationship skills.”

Honestly, I don’t need research to tell me kids need less screen time. My wonderful, adorable Joshua proves it. We’ve had more than one morning that has turned into complete chaos because Joshua isn’t capable of getting himself together. It didn’t take too many years before I started to put the correlation together…. Unlimited screen time the night or day before and the following morning he was disastrous. Little or limited screen time the day or night before school, and mornings were more pleasant, don’t get me wrong, they weren’t all peaches and cream, this is Joshua I’m referring to. 🙂 When I point this new revelation out to him, he is in total denial. Unfortunately, I have the research, and I live it, there is NO denying it! The hard part isn’t knowing the problem, the hard part is fixing the problem. It’s not any easier in my house than in anyone elses, these things need constant review and revamping. Which lead to my most recent “Bright idea!”

So, my Bright idea is to have a “sign in sheet” for screen time for my kids. Ha, you may be saying, but don’t laugh unless you’ve tried it and failed. If you have, bring on the strategies that work, please! I’m hopeful that this will put a stop to the “time suck” that electronics and screens can have on our day. Some of you may think this is brilliant, I have those ideas every now and again. We shall see… I think we will all sadly realize that we are way over our “screen time” limit in this house.  I’m on a mission to prove to my kids we need to cut back.

So, as soon as my daughter gets off the computer (umm humph) I’m going to make a “Screen Time Sign in ” sheet and put it on the fridge. I’ve been keeping track; so far Drew has had about 1 1/2 hours, and Josh my boy is about to hit his 2 hour limit for the day. “Damn, she’s serious”, you may be thinking. Yes, I am, but I’m also realistic… This is a long weekend, with a lot of family, food and spare time. I am going to give my kids some extra time on those days.  I know the research I just quoted gives me every reason not to, but, all in all, they are only kids once, they only have Thanksgiving break once a year, and I’m not as strict a Drill Sergeant as I portray myself sometimes. So, I’ve decided to let them have more screen time, but not unlimited screen time. 😉

This journey is a tough one, I try my best to enjoy the challenges as well as the fun stuff. I’ve decided that God has blessed me with these 2 smart, cute, crazy kids, and entrusted that I could raise them as productive members of our society. I’m doing my best, and along the way I’m Enjoying the Journey, & I hope you are too! 😉

Tagless: Great for shirts, not so much for kids…

We need to encourage children’s individual uniqueness along this journey we call life! 

children1A friend of mine is an Elementary School Vice Principal, and he recently wrote an article that has such wonderful perspective regarding the mental health of our children. After reading it, I wanted to share it with my readers here on Mom’s Daily Dose. Jon’s perspective is very intriguing and quite eye opening.

Check out Labels Are Bad, But is Tagless Better?, by Jon Harper. I have to agree 100% with his perspective. We need our children to know that being different is what makes them who they are, and they should be proud of their uniqueness. Feeling comfortable with who they are and embracing their differences leads to a healthy self image and good self esteem. I hope you appreciate Jon’s insight it as much as I did.

The mental health of our children is critical to their physical, mental and social development, and to our society as a whole. Enjoy the journey, friends! 🙂

Playtime is SO important!

Few things are more important in a child’s world than PLAY! 

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I read an article today that I want to share with as many people as I possibly can. This article discusses how terribly important play is to our children and to our society as a whole. Please take the time to read

“Give childhood back to children: if we want our offspring to have happy, productive and moral lives, we must allow more time for play, not less”.

Children’s play gives them opportunities to learn to navigate through the real world. Learning through play helps kids deal with challenges they face in their environment and their relationships. It helps to build self-esteem, helps them think through problems to overcome challenges, and helps them build relationships. Eliminating time for children to figure things out on their own, be it projects or relationships, can lead to mental health challenges such as low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression, which in turn decreases their ability to feel confident in completing a challenging task.The above article goes into more detail about all of this, so please take a moment to enlighten yourself. There is nothing more important to cultivate than the mind of a child!

I hope you and your children take time to play, and as I always say, Enjoy the Journey! 😉

ADHD: Non-medication help…

ADHD kidIt seems like every day I have another parent asking me if their child has ADHD (aka Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder). The answer isn’t an easy one, neither is the solution. I wrote a post trying to help answer this very question. If you want more information about how to know if your child’s behavior may or may not be ADHD, read Hyperactive or just busy…Could  your child have ADHD?

If you think your child has ADHD, but aren’t sure if they need medication or not, there are some things you can do that should help. Will these effective parenting tips keep your child from needing medication? No. If a child is in need of medication, then, I recommend medicating them. Medication alone can not help a child that is truly ADHD. The most effective treatment is medication along with therapy and effective parenting. 

I’ve talked before about effective parenting. I don’t think enough attention is paid to the importance of proper parenting. I see parents that want me to fix their child, when the problem is that the child is in need of consistency and routine. Children NEED consistent routines, especially children with ADHD.

  • Routine is unbelievably important. Doing things according to a schedule helps a child learn what to anticipate day after day. Using lists or pictures can be helpful to remind children what they are responsible for and keep them on task. Even with routine, your ADHD child will still need help getting everything done.
  • Make sure the rules are clear and followed consistently. If you have rules that are only enforced some of the time, the child will not know when they do or don’t have to follow the rules. This leads to frustration for the child and the parent. And, needless to say, inconsistent results!
  • Give the kids something to be responsible for…this could be helping to take care of pets, taking out the trash, or other chores around the house. This helps the child feel important, learn responsibility, and also builds self-esteem. You will have to remind your child to do their chores, it isn’t going to just happen. Having a list and checking off chores/responsibilities as they accomplish them can be helpful, and is a good way to reinforce good behavior.
  • Praise and Positive Reinforcement is a must for disciplining all children, especially children with ADHD. Recognize & Praise good behavior and accomplishments. Just getting homework or small chores done can be challenging for children with attention issues.
  • Limit “screen time” – This includes all screens, such as TV, video games, computer, etc. Screen time should be limited to just 2-3 hours per day, and should be turned off at least 1 hour before bedtime. This isn’t hard to enforce during the school year because there is limited free time after school. It is a little more challenging during the Summer. Being more liberal with this rule during the summer is ok, just remember, you will see a difference in the child’s behavior; and it is essential to get back into a school routine a week or 2 before school actually starts.
  • Have a good bedtime routine with an acceptable bedtime. Kids in preschool and early elementary grades should be in bed by 7:30-8:30, upper elementary should be 8:30-9, middle school 9-9:30, and high school should be between 9-10. For more information about sleep, please see my blog, Sleep is Crucial for Healthy Development. A tired child has trouble focusing, paying attention, and retaining information. For preschool aged children, there is a significant correlation between hyperactive and impulsive behavior and short sleep duration.
  • Watch what your child is eating, 3 healthy meals and snacks are important for good brain function. Adding essential fatty acids to a child’s diet helps promote good brain function. Eliminate artificial food dyes (AFDs) from the child’s diet. AFDs have been proven to increase hyperactivity in the majority of children. A study done in Great Britain in 2006 documented that 75% of children demonstrated hyperactive behavior correlated with ingestion of AFDs and Sodium Benzoate. I have recommended this intervention to many families, and received many Thank You’s because it makes such an obvious difference in the child’s behavior. I firmly believe that AFDs should be eliminated from our food supply altogether. AFDs have been outlawed in Canada, Britain, Germany and a few other countries.
  • If your child has allergies, treat allergies with a daily allergy medication. Allergies can make ADHD worse! Allergies are a hypersensitivity, ADHD is a hypersensitive state…1+1=2, it’s that simple (not really, but treatment is a must).
  • Exercise, exercise, exercise! Physical activity helps to regulate the neurotransmitters that are dysfunctional in those with ADHD. Participation in sports can be helpful and rewarding for your child. Daily outside time, even when it’s cold should be the norm. Tell your kids to run around the house a few laps before dinnertime, it gets the wiggles out.
  • Whatever your child is good at, encourage it! Whether their forte’ is math, sports, or creating, encourage it! Without our multitasking, intelligent ADHDers, we would not have telephones, airplanes, or many of the inventions and discoveries we take for granted everyday. My above mentioned ADHD post expands on this, even listing all the famous people throughout history that have/had ADHD, check it out!

These interventions take time and effort on the part of parents. They are useful for all kids of all ages, but especially necessary for kids with ADHD. Many of these interventions are just good, effective parenting. 

If a child is in need of medication, these interventions will NOT replace the need for medicating the child. There are typically side effects of medication for most kids, and this can be worrisome to parents. Some of the side effects can be decreased appetite when med is at it’s peak, headaches, stomach aches, mood swings, and sleep issues. It’s important to figure out if the medication is actually to blame, or if there is another underlying reason for the unwanted symptoms. For example, most ADHD kids will have trouble falling asleep, it may be the ADHD or too much screen time, and not the medication. It’s also important to evaluate which is worse, the side effects or the effects of untreated ADHD?? In my professional and personal opinion, the effects of untreated ADHD can be much worse than the side effects of the medication. Trust me, I’m living the ADHD thing with my son. Look for a post on untreated ADHD soon.

Having an ADHD child takes effort, patience, and frequently a little wine. 😉 ADHD children are challenging, difficult to parent, and also rewarding. Those creative ADHD minds are awesome to watch create, absolutely fascinating sometimes. So, if you are dealing with an ADHDer, don’t forget to stop and look at the positive side of this challenge. These ADHDers are going to do amazing things for society, they just need a little TLC, and A LOT of guidance to get there.

Good luck, and regardless of the challenges…. don’t forget to ENJOY THE JOURNEY!

 

All you need is Love…

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My funny, little Valentine!

** Happy Valentine’s Day!! **

Today is a great day to remember that the most important thing you can give your children is your love & your time!! Your time is not only the single most important thing you can give your child, it’s also the one thing they want the most! Family time builds confidence and self esteem; and needless to say, it makes for happy parents too!

So, yesterday, we spent a little Valentine time together, just me and my kids. It was a little more challenging than I anticipated though.

We went to Walmart to get a few things, but specifically for Drew Elizabeth to pick out Valentines to take to school. In 1st grade, Valentine’s Day is quite a big deal, you know. As for Joshua, in 5th grade, not so much. He wouldn’t dream of giving out Valentine’s. (Although he will be thrilled when the chocolate covered pretzels I am having delivered to his class arrive.) He’s growing up way to fast, apparently by the time you get to 5th grade, Valentines aren’t so cool. So, I was glad he helped his sister with her Valentines, and without his help Drew would have gone to school with no Valentines to give out.

BTW- I DO NOT recommend waiting until February 13th to get Valentines for your kids to take to school. By this time, the choices were beyond limited, one thing left was Princess Valentines, which Drew Elizabeth would never give out. (She says she “DOESN’T DO” princesses!) The other choice, Origami Valentines… HA…. not as fun as it sounds…..

When we started in on the cute little origami ladybugs and butterflies, it didn’t look to hard. Fold in half, fold this way, crease that way….

We got the ladybugs done, not too bad, fold in half, fold up a little at the bottom, fold back down, fold back up, turn over, diagonal fold, another diagonal fold, and low and behold, we had a ladybug, CUTE!! Well, that was only half of them. Now time for the 16 step butterflies…..but first, it was time for dinner. (Thankfully, my husband had that under control while we were folding away.)

Origami butterflies are NOT easy, especially if you haven’t done origami before. This was when I was glad to have a brilliant big brother helping, and fortunately he has done origami before. Josh tried, and tried, I tried and tried…. Josh finally got the already folded display butterfly off the box to unfold and figure out. Then, we went online looking for “how to fold a square into and origami butterfly.” Found it, but it wasn’t any more helpful than the picture directions we already had that were about as clear as mud. Drew was getting tired, we only had enough ladybugs for half the class, and Josh was ready to give up….. Daddy’s suggestion, got to bed….

I looked at Drew, she was so tired, but also sad, if we gave up there would not be enough Valentines for the whole class, it was all or nothing now. Josh and I kept at it, as Drew sat there yawning. (My poor girl, she loves her sleep.) Then, Eureka…. Joshua finally figured it out!! 

It was time for an assembly line, Drew did the first 3-4 folds, I did the next tricky part, and Josh finished them off! (Daddy just quit on us and went to take a shower.)

So, today, Drew Elizabeth was off to school with her bag of origami Valentine cards to give out. There is no way in He!! that those first graders will understand how much trouble those stinkin’ things were, but they really are pretty darn cute. 😉

So, lesson learned, spending time with your kids is always a winner, regardless of the challenges… never give up… perseverance pay off…. and NEVER EVER buy origami Valentines again!! 

I hope you are enjoying this Valentine’s Day with your family, it’s one of the sweetest parts of the journey! 😉

“Love is the strongest force the world possesses, and yet it is the humblest imaginable.” – Mahatma Gandhi

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Origami Butterflies & Ladybugs… Too cute!

Small Dose #15 – Family Time is PRICELESS!! Happy Thanksgiving!!

Time spent together is one of the most valuable lessons you can teach your children!

Children want nothing more than to be with their family and to be accepted!

Family time increases self esteem, and makes for happy kids! No Doubt about it!!

Here’s hoping that this Thanksgiving is a good one for you and those closest to you!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

“Be thankful for being together!”-Marci (the philosophically intelligent friend of Charlie Brown & Peppermint Patty)

Please, remember to be grateful & Enjoy the Journey, friends!!! 😉

Small Dose #14- YES, We NEED to treat ADHD!!

“Children growing up with ADHD often face a higher risk for substance use disorders compared with the general population. New research shows that treatment with extended-release stimulants early in adolescence may reduce the risk of developing dependencies on cigarettes, alcohol, or drugs.”

-Dr. Timothy E. Wilkins, MD, Director, Center for Addiction Medicine, Child Psychiatry Services, Mass. General in Boston

 There are many risk factors  associated with non-treatment for ADHD.

A post with more information on the risks of not treating ADHD with medication to follow soon.

Learning how to navigate life’s Parenting Journey is never-ending! 😉